I spend way too much time defending myself and feminism on G+ that I am so behind at work.
Day after day, I question my circle of friends. I get the same response, the same reaction, the same “women as butt of jokes” dismissals. Oh no, I can’t talk back with cogent points because I am overreacting, and I’m causing bad vibes within the pristine and sheltered friendships. I’m tired of this town and I am tired of these “friends.” I’ve been settling for way too long.
I shared this on my G+, not sure how people would take it. First of all, stories that I post and find interesting don’t really resonate with a lot of people on my friend list. Not sure why. Maybe they’re just nonplussed and take things in stride? I feel kind of let down most of the time when the stories don’t spark interesting conversations.
An acquaintance (girl) commented on this story, and our discussion went something like this (paraphrased):
Me: I think he makes a very good point of unconscious behavior of males (and not only males, might I add) that unintentionally (or possibly intentionally) negates women’s feelings and reactions, all due to societal conditioning.
Her: I don’t know who are these woman the writer is talking to but it just sounds like they hang out with douchebags. I don’t think it’s the norm for guys to negate women’s feeling like that. At least, not in my experience.
Me: Just because we do not personally know theses women doesn’t mean their stories don’t exist. [insert my own experience in an emotionally abused relationship] A lot of the times, women in these relationships do not understand that their loved ones are being manipulative.
Her: I’m not saying that they don’t exist. [verbatim] I know there are tons of dudes who treat women that way. I’m just saying that they’re douchebags…not the necessarily the norm.
Now for me: the norm means, in this instance, “tyranny of the majority.” Basically if a harmful behavior is repeated ad nauseum among a large segment of the population without as much as a slap on the wrist, I consider it a norm - descriptive without being prescriptive. And to me, her perception of the “norm” means that even though there are a lot of men out there who treat women badly, the behavior is not right or acceptable.
This is where our ideas diverged. Her position seems contradictory to me: just because “douchebags are everywhere” doesn’t mean that “douchebag behavior” is the norm. But if it’s not the norm, who is perpetuating it since the “douchebags are everywhere”? If it is socially unacceptable, why do men or women still do it. And if you doubt the legitimacy of these women’s stories, are you shutting down the dialogue by pretending the issue doesn’t exist?
But, I didn’t post that. I supplied a somewhat off-topic and weak response. Sometimes I need a few minutes typing things out before I know what I need to say. Also, I don’t want to ruin any interpersonal relationship I may have with this person, you know?
It’s hard meeting like-minded people.
From the Huffington Post: You’re so sensitive. You’re so emotional. You’re defensive. You’re overreacting. Calm down. Relax. Stop freaking out! You’re crazy! I was just joking, don’t you have a sense of humor? You’re so dramatic. Just get over it already!
If you’re a woman, it…
Just trying to compile a list of resolutions for 2012:
1. Read more.
2. Watch more movies in my Netflix instant queue, instead of settling for formulaic crime shows. Seriously, the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has been in my queue for almost a year. Sorry Law & Order: SVU (I will still secretly watch you).Read more
I can’t do this. My thoughts are not flowing through me like water. I’m collecting them like squirrels collecting nuts and storing them for winter.
If you can’t say what you want to say, where do these words go?
I’m not gonna lie…documenting my BPD experience is harder than I thought. I experienced some mood disruptions as I typed out my words for preservation. I tossed and turned quite a bit in bed as thoughts and memories resurfaced. I took deep breaths and looked at my sleeping boyfriend, and I thought, it won’t be so bad.
eta: time to reblog some furniture!